Kent: Passengers on South Eastern Railway take their dogs to work today

It is National #Takeyourdogtowork day which is great for mental health in the workplace, and gets the dog out too, and, of course, immensely spoiled.

I was pleased to see some railway passengers taking their beagle to work this morning, on my way to London Bridge. The lady took the dog after 10am and avoided the crowded rush hour so he was quite comfortable.

Hope to see more and more people take their dogs to work, perhaps more often than a day, to help animal welfare charities and reduce workplace stress and sickness. It also makes the workplace more fun and ‘human’.

To take part next year, keep a note of this website: https://bringyourdogtoworkday.co.uk/ for details.

The Police 101 number kept me hanging on for over half an hour

I had to phone about an incident and I rang them for half an hour but there was no reply, other than ‘the police are very busy’. The same thing happened this morning. They are expected to answer within five minutes.

They encourage you to use the online service but when you go into the online service, for some incidents, you have to ring them on 101. It was like going round in circles.

Clearly there is a problem with understaffing, poor management and police cuts.

In the end, I resorted to good, old fashioned snail mail, and sent it First Class.

Dealing with a suicidal person from overseas on Facebook

I belong to a forum about people going through difficult things and we had one person on the forum who said she was going to commit suicide today on a Facebook post.

My Suicide Prevention Course ‘kicked in’. Generally when they give you a ‘date’ or if you find out when, you go into emergency mode. However, the online system where Facebook is supposed to help that person didn’t appear ‘to work’. Facebook also didn’t bother to reply on on Twitter.

In the end, myself and a few others messaged her, and I encouraged her to book an appointment with the GP, let us know when she had done this, and said that we are here for her. We were lucky that Facebook showed us roughly where she was and she had an unusual name.

In the meantime, I also contacted the South African police station near her (a very expensive mobile phone call from the UK) and told them what happened. I said I was calling from the UK and they ‘didn’t fuss about the paperwork like they do in the UK’ but just gone on with it.

I will never know if they contacted the person, as maybe it is hard to get the IP address from Facebook in time but I am glad I did it. One person contacted one of their relatives and asked them to check she was ok. Sometimes they were estranged, but I think sometimes this has to be done if the police find it hard to get hold of the suicidal person. The moderator was a bit slow at first but once she knew what was happening went into action.

We tried to get hold of her, keep her talking on the forum although at some point she went missing online for a while.

However, it turns out, after two hours, she said to the moderator that she felt ‘ok’ and was really amazed ‘that people online cared for her’ and provided telephone helplines etc.

Sometimes something simple like talking and caring can help people get past that suicidal feeling and we have to remember to say to the suicidal person ‘that the feeling is only temporary’.

World Crisis Hotlines https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

Use Google Maps to find a police station round the world: https://www.google.co.uk/maps

World Narcissist Abuse Awareness Day 1 June 2017

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Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD) occurs on June 1st every year. Established in 2016, WNAAD is a growing global movement dedicated to raising the profile of narcissistic abuse, providing public education, resources for survivors, and effect policy change. WNAAD is an international event that is recognized worldwide.

Many of the people who suffer from narcissistic abuse (a form of psychological and emotional abuse) aren’t even aware that what they are experiencing is a legitimate form of abuse, and when they become aware they are being abused, they have a difficult time describing it because it’s so hard to put the finger on. So much of it can be covert.

WNAAD came up with the hashtag, #IfMyWoundsWereVisible, because unlike physical abuse where a single strike or blow, narcissist abuse is generally invisible. An indiscernible assault on the spirit, identity, and the psyche of the victim. The impact is cumulative, and its full effect isn’t felt until the damage is extensive. Although bruises and broken bones heal much faster than a broken spirit, narcissistic abuse tends to go unnoticed.

Narcissist Abuse is controlling, anti-social and manipulative behaviour. Narcissist abuse is experienced everywhere, workplaces, religious groups, education, not for profits, in the armed forces, and families.

It is also important that those in Human Resources know about narcissist abuse in the workplace, often the victim is not believed.

People need to learn about ‘Red Flags’ before they enter into a relationship with someone and recognize them in workplaces early on, and learn how to handle them and avoid them. Many people living or working in close proximity to full on narcissists have had to leave their family or place of work, some have had Complex PTSD because of the abuse.

My own experience of narcissist abuse experience ranges from emotional neglect, lack of empathy from the abuser , abnormal hostile behaviour ‘behind closed doors’ at home or in the workplace, smear campaigns, emotional blackmail, secretive behaviour, mind games – the abuser makes everything your fault, financial blackmail, lack of support by fellow colleague or family member, anti social behaviour, passive aggressiveness, covert, controlling and public humiliating behaviour, violence and betrayal. Walking on eggshells every day too. Both men and women can be narcissists, and many people have parents and siblings who are ‘narcs’.

Some red flags in a relationship, for example, according to WNAAD.com:

◾As the relationship becomes more established, you may start to see some stronger warning signs, or red flags, such as: You may spot bigger lies, and when you confront them, you never get a straight answer or they will turn it around and accuse you of what they’re actually doing.

◾If you try to raise an issue with them, it becomes a full-blown argument. They may accuse you of causing the fight, or they may use the silent treatment as a way of punishing you for confronting them.
◾Arguments feel circular and nonsensical. You’re left feeling emotionally battered and confused. There is no resolution to the issue, no sense of compromise or seeking a win/win outcome. It feels like they need to “win” regardless of the issue or what’s at stake. You’re left you feeling unsupported and misunderstood.

◾They may tell you something didn’t happen when you know it did, or vice versa. This is called gaslighting and it’s designed to make you doubt your own reality and judgment.

◾You feel like you need to ask for permission before making plans with others. They may try to control where you go, or call and text constantly to check up on you, and interrogate you about where you’ve been/what you’ve been doing.

◾You start seeing less of your family and friends. Perhaps because they openly prevent you from doing so through guilt tripping or threats of abandonment. Or, it could be more subtle, where they make such a fuss about seeing your family and friends that you start avoiding them so you don’t have to deal with the fallout. You end up feeling isolated and lonely.

◾The relationship feels one-sided – like you are the one who is doing all the giving, the one who is always in the wrong, the one who is trying the hardest, changing the most or doing the most sacrificing, just to make them happy. And it still doesn’t work. Nothing is enough for them.

◾You can’t feel at ease or relaxed in their presence. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells, waiting for the next time they lash out at you. You realize you feel a sense of relief when they aren’t there.

◾You feel like whatever you do, it’s not enough. You’re manipulated so that your flaws and vulnerabilities are exploited and used against you at every opportunity. You begin to feel inadequate, unlovable, and like everything is all your fault.

Sign up to the official website for free on http://www.wnaad.com/ and learn about symptoms and how to spot red flags and follow the hashtag #ifmywoundswerevisible. You will be surprised by how many people you know who have it.

There are some good books on Narcissists on Amazon, and one of them is ‘My Narcissist Mother’ https://www.amazon.co.uk/My-Narcissistic-Mother-narcissistic-mother-ebook/dp/B015R9YQHG/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1498224587&sr=8-12&keywords=narcissistic+mother (I have not been paid to recommend this book)

Famillies are being ripped apart by members with symptoms of Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD)

Numerous people, both men and women, are having to leave members of family who have symptoms of Narcissist Personality Disorder as they are unable to cope with domestic abuse, betrayal,lack of empathy and deceitful behavior anymore.

Many have tried to work out why they are their partners and sometimes siblings are the way they are but are coming to terms that there is nothing they can do as the condition is not curable, and that have to leave.Sometimes people with NCD ‘just get worse’ over time. Some family members just do not feel they are heard or loved. They are experiencing a lot of confusing mind games. One moment the Narcissist can be normal, but other times, they have a Narcissist rage out of nowwhere. People are constantly walking on eggshells with these people.

People with children, however, are ‘forced’ to have limited contact with their abusers. Many with no children are leaving their famillies entirely and going ‘No Contact’ whatsoever and building new and better lives without their family and ‘going it alone’.

Those who have been abused have felt depressed and suicidal. Some have committed suicide. The Narcissist wants ‘power and control’ over them.

Some desperate famillies have tried therapy but often it has been a disaster as the Narcissist generally says ‘it is all their fault’ and/or leaves therapy early.Most Narcissists do not accept they have a problem and won’t even go to therapy in the first place.

This isn’t just in family situations but it is happening also in the workplace too, where some Narcissists particularly target occupations where they can ‘control’ and have status, the police, military, security, management, community and religious leaders particularly popular occupations for Narcissists from seeing comments on various Narcissist Survivor forums. Some Pastors’ wives are having to leave their husband because of their behaviour, and this is often frowned upon in the church. Some Narcissists do not want their wives to work and keep them holed up with lots of children at home. If they work, this means the Narcissist has less control over them and the Narcissist will think they will meet other men at work.

Narcissist Personality is a Disorder of the Personality and is not a Mental Illness. There is no known cure.

Some symptoms of Narcissist Personality Disorder are:

1) They have a grandiose sense of self-importance.

2) They requires excessive admiration

3)Have a very strong sense of entitlement

4)Is exploitative of others

5)Lacks empathy

6)Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Frequently they also have these too:

7) Lying and making things up to manipulate you

8) Being Emotionally abusive

9) Physically Abusive

10) Financially Abusive

11) Spiritually abusive

12) Notorious for having a ‘Honeymoon Period’ in a Relationship where things are ‘perfect’ to start with. Things change once the relationship gets more serious, they marry and start to have children. There is an element of ‘control’. Many Narcissists have a poor relationship history, with many divorces and abandoned children. They will provide ‘plausible excuses’ or perhaps withhold background information, and that goes for convictions. The Police in the UK can help people who want to find out more about their future partner if they have domestic violence convictions.

13) Betraying Trust

14) Smear Campaigns

16) Stalking

17) Manipulation

18) Reproductive Coercion

19) Birth Control Sabotage

20) Treating children and partners as extensions of themselves. (Some say they are ‘treated like property’)

21) Trusting strangers rather than their own family

22) Addictions

2) Being friendly with strangers and hostile to close relatives, and sometimes close neighbours. They appear to ‘act’ with others, who think they are very nice people and would not believe that they can even be abusive.

Words Associated with Narcissists are (though these are not used in Counselling)

1) Love Bombing (attempting to influence a person by lavish demonstrations of attention and affection) in particular to get what they want

2) Gas Lighting (Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or members of a group, hoping to make targets question their own sanity)

3) Projecting (blaming something on you, when he or she caused the problem. This is another tactic to bring confusion to the Target. They will not admit to doing anything wrong.

4)The Supply – the Target of the Narcissist. The Narcissist gets his or her ‘fuel’ from an empathic person who they will try and manipulate and control.

5) Flying Monkey – their friends or those who support the Narc

Get Help:

IAPT Counselling: http://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Psychological%20therapies%20(IAPT)/LocationSearch/10008. Ideally, try and find someone who specializes in NPD. Narcissists are notorious for not seeking any help, and if they do, they will blame it on others. It is helpful for the Target to get counseling for themselves and undertake plenty of self care and ask their doctor for help.

Relate: https://www.relate.org.uk/ (They provide counselling, and they have free online counselling but it can be busy

Police: Dial 999 in an Emergency /Dial 111 if not. (You maybe able to get a restraining order

There are also a number of Narcissist Abuse sites on Facebook (though it is safer to use a different name) as they can be stalked by members of the family and the Narcissist themselves.

Women’s Aid: http://www.womensaid.org.uk

A tip:

If you call someone a Narcissist, it is most likely that they will deny it and start further anti-social behavior targeted on you.  The best advice is to recognize what a Narcissist is to Leave, some say to ‘Run!’ though this may not always be easy to do.

Coping Ideas

1) Leave if you can!
2) Join a Mental Health/Wellbeing Support Group
3) Do something creative – art, singing, music of various sorts
4)Go and so some Voluntary Work and meet positive people
5) Walk in nature
6) Do something for animals
7) Raise awareness. Many people have never heard of Narcissist Personality Disorder
8) Ignore Narcissists – they hate to be ignored. Go ‘Grayrock’ – just speak in a general vague way that does not upset ‘the Narc’ on some way
9) Make your kids have love and praise
10) Leave and get a pet if you can. Learn to cope on your own. It is not necessary to have a partner. Learning to cope on your own is real empowerment
11) Do some Self-Care
12) Go on Self-Esteem and/or Self Defence Classes
13) Learn to be Yourself Again
14) Get a job
15) Learn new skills
16) Get new qualifications
17) Have Me-Time
18) Reward yourself when you have done something difficult

Beaulieu has experience of Narcissist Personality Disorder being in the family, and is currently estranged (No Contact)

BBC Springwatch fans gutted that coverage of Monty, Britain’s nominated ‘National Bird’, was turned down by the programme

‘The BBC had a recent meeting about Terry Taylor’s tame robin ‘Monty’ who has been extremely popular with his antics, and has become a social media celebrity on the BBC Springwatch Facebook fan page (https://www.facebook.com/groups/2357918724/?fref=nf

Terry reacted on Facebook  in upper case letters, “MONTY HAS BEEN TURNED DOWN BY THE BBC. They had a meeting yesterday to discuss Monty, and decided the Monty story was not what they wanted”.

 

Over 400 BBC Springwatch fans have viewed his post with  many writing in telling Terry how unhappy they were with the BBC’s poor executive decision.

The Robin has been nominated as ‘Britain’s National Bird’  after a poll in 2015 http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-33090043 and http://www.votenationalbird.com/ . The project was launched on BBC Springwatch

Match of the Day – Big Pants Watch

Never mind the cycling on #Rio2016, many people in Britain are staying up late this evening to watch if Gary Lineker  will present Match of the Day wearing his pants after losing a bet about Leicester City.  Imagine many us all sitting on our sofas right now with baited breath…

Well, we had a bit of a ‘teaser’ earlier as he was spotted with an ironing board…that was a good sign……

At 1030 when Match of the Day  started – he actually did it, although he wore Leicester City white boxers, which really isn’t the same as dodgy Y-fronts. Then  my friend promptly spilt his coffee on the sofa….and this was not even his sofa – it was his sister’s, who’s on holiday and he now has got some explaining to do…

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