Neatfreaks are ‘miserable’

I was brought up with ‘neatfreaks’ and it affected me so badly I became anxious and even more untidy.

I kind of ‘gave up’ with all the nagging, and all the things I am supposed to think of. Whatever I would do, would never be good enough to an obsessive neatfreak. Some of the stuff they think of could not even cross an ordinary person’s mind sometimes.

I hate being near people who are ‘neatfreaks’, and you will that you are being ‘watched like a hawk’ in the house all the time. Your home feels like a prison. Sometimes the person in the house, would only talk to you about tidying and cleaning. It was soul destroying being that in narrow, conversational environment. They even hoover in a way that is ‘fast and aggressive’, with the odd passive aggressive ‘tuts’ here and there.

I have a different attitude to them. I was quite relaxed and would tidy up when I was in the mood, had time or would put a little away as soon as possible. Needless to say that my relaxed attitude, made them go ballistic! Some of these ‘neatfreaks’ were cleaning even late at night. Some people literally DO clean up all day, for hours and hours.

I used to see my relatives spending all day cleaning. I thought too much of this was a complete waste of time and they were making themselves ill with the anxiety they brought on themselves. Some of neatfreak ideas caused arguments, not just with me, but with other people in the household too. I have met people who have divorced because of their controlling behaviour, so children suffer too. They were becoming so stressed by dirt and spare socks that they were becoming neurotic.

They often spend money on buying the most toxic chemicals out,and the kitchen cupboards are full of this nasty stuff, and you smell toxic vapour round the house. I am a Apple Cider Vinegar person, so it can be vinegary but at least it is not toxic and does a pretty good job at getting rid of dirt. Ironically, I have less ‘cleaning clutter’ in the house too.

Personally I prefer a bit of balance. It is important that stuff is cleared to avoid tripping over or it becoming a fire hazard, but today’s obsession is getting ridiculous. People are spending too much valuable time cleaning and tidying, that they are having no life and they are looking miserable and their sense of humour goes. I can’t understand that fridges etc have to be clean, and that is fine, but in the house, it can get well over the top. Endless telly ads about cleaning products just adds to the malaise, and pressure from society in general.

For me, their behaviour affected my own wellbeing. It made me feel depressed to be nagged constantly or humiliated by ‘having lectures’. I know they were right in some way, and I can understand that, but as I have said, the obsession with tidying and cleaning all the time , can affect one’s own mental health.

Some kids are unable to have pets because the parents hate dogs as they make the house ‘a mess’ and the kids lose out. Some of my own family was like that. Tidy people are very controlling and untidy people ‘just want a peaceful life’.

We are only on this earth a short time, and tidying and obsessively cleaning, is a waste of our time. For me, I really have to be away from ‘neatfreaks’, they can be miserable, negative and waste too much of their lives cleaning. Some of them have done ‘nothing’ in their lives, compared to some untidy people who would rather spend their time doing something of benefit, to others, say volunteer work, than spending all day cleaning, and possibly having a short life, due to the stress of tidying and cleaning the house all the time. We maybe untidy, but we can be happier, and more relaxed. Some of us like a bit of ‘stuff’ although when it becomes obsessive, like with some hoarders it can be a problem. Some of us suffer from depression or can’t see that well, so cleaning and tidying can be extra difficult.

The most important thing is to be happy, and if that means you have remove yourself from a neatfreak, do so! Don’t let them get you down. It is up to them if they want a miserable life, but you don’t have to!

Another link to a messy person’s blog you may enjoy https://www.bustle.com/articles/66286-11-things-messy-people-will-never-understand-about-neat-freaks

Domestic Abuse: How Neatfreaks affect family https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Opr9v4e2w0w

LONDON: How I have never taken recreational drugs in my life.

I was brought up with a independent streak. Throughout my life, I just did my own thing. I had a strong sense of self and wanted to do what was right for me, not because someone told me to.

My parents never told me not to smoke or do drugs. I was very much self-policed. I am not Christian either, so I don’t have any religious dogma that stops me from taking drugs. I just care about what I am putting my body. We have only one body and we need to look after it.

I am a very visual person. What stopped me smoking for example, was that ‘it looked bad’ and I saw X-rays on Open University about the effects. The fact that you could die from a slow, agonising death too, and an early one at that. Yes, I was watching Open University at a young age. People who smoked did not look glamorous, I suppose they looked ‘rough’ and ‘dirty’. The same for alcohol. You saw a few alcoholics and they looked a right mess and out of control and friendless.

Now, with drugs, I was aware that they were bad at the time from the media, and I wasn’t interested in anything messing around with my brain. I think what really stopped me was a book I bought from a charity shop in Kent, about this woman who worked in Kowloon City, Hong Kong, with the criminals and drug addicts and dealers. There were photos of young people who looked really thin, spotty and ill and this was not a good look. So, the library book helped me see the effects of drug addiction from an outreach worker’s experience.

That was it for me, not a good look, and they all looked pretty miserable too. Then shortly afterwards the photos from Leah Betts who died taking drugs came along. She looked terrible too.

I never mixed with the druggie brigade at all, supposedly the ‘cool crowd, that drank, smoked and had babies at 15, which was another blessing. I lived in the countryside and had few opportunities to mix with people my age anyway. However, reading about drugs and seeing the photos in the charity shop book, was a real eye opener. I never saw the ‘fun’ side of drugs at all, which you see these days. It was like, ‘What fun side?’.

Even now I meet people my age who have taken drugs in the past, due to peer pressure, and they come up with ‘trip stories’, which are really boring to me, but because I have never tried, or wanted to try recreational drugs, I don’t miss anything I have never used and it has stood me in good stead.

Sometimes people can make me feel that I am ‘missing out’, but I am really happy not taking such drugs. My health and my brain cells are so important, particularly as I am getting older and I need all I can get. It doesn’t stop me from having fun at all, and nowadays there are plenty of drug and alcohol free rave style clubs popping up too, which look a lot of fun, without the aggro and sex attacks as people are so vulnerable at other clubs and festivals. I have also have a lot of good hobbies, that no drugs could compete against!

Oh, and finally, the ‘Just Say No’ Campaign they had years ago, DID WORK for me and I am glad that the Government is bringing it back again.

    Here’s a video you may like. It is a social experiment on Peer Pressure and Drugs.

London Libraries: Some People go there to Sleep

Several times this month, I have noticed adults (both men and women) have been sleeping in some Southwark Libraries.

Perhaps they are homeless and sleep during the day because it is so dangerous at night and they have nowhere to go. Others may not be homeless but they have been up all night. You can hear very loud snoring through out the library. They have been annoying other library users, and some have complained.

Sometimes library staff do take action and say that ‘the library is not a place to sleep’. Some sleepers are ‘serial library sleepers’ and have been caught before.

Why don’t Men in the UK use much Aftershave?

I really wish men in the UK wore more aftershave, and not just for ‘special occasions’ or for ‘masking’ horrid things.

It was really noticeable when I worked in a hotel and we had guests from all around the world, particularly from France, who wore aftershave.

You walk in the street these days, and when you walk past some men, they either smell of nothing, which is really boring, smoke, pungent alcohol or cannabis, which to me, stinks of the bitter, stale aroma of dead rats (trust me, coming from a farm, I have smelt this!). It super compounds the problem when you walk past pairs or larger groups of men, stinking of smoke, garlic and onions, cheese, pizza, chicken legs, kebabs, alcohol and cannabis. Some their waft comes from their cars which can be smelly with smoke and food. There is a huge cloud of pong by them. When all these whiffs go together, it goes, er, ‘superstench’.

When you get a guest who smells of good quality aftershave, and not of huge splashes of it which can make them ‘look slimey’ particularly if wearing a blue suit, you feel that he has taken care of himself, feels ‘dressed’ and that he cares that he doesn’t stink badly when he is out in public areas. It creates a good impression. (Of course, he generally uses the good quality types of aftershave, not the ones you remember, such as the ‘honking ones with the cheesy names’ from 70s. However, sometimes, I have to say, there could be some good ‘cheap finds’ but you have to hunt really hard.

We women buy aftershave a lot for our men, but we notice that the bottle remains disappointingly full, a year after we have given it to them. There’s some really good products for men in the market now, many that have more natural incredients; my favourite aftershaves come from Penhaligans in Burlington Arcade. They are a reasonable price for the quality and the thought that goes into it. Aftershave isn’t just for ‘sex panthers’, it is for every day use too, not just the boudouir. The right aftershave, I think, is great for confidence and self-esteem. I have noticed in that in the UAE, they love aftershaves and they sell a huge variety of them and they often have interesting and well designed bottles. My ‘adopted half brother’ who was from the UAE, loved to put reddish type of perfumed ointment on his feet. I don’t know what it was exactly, but he showed a bit of pride.

Now, I can understand that sometimes some men can’t wear aftershave, for various reasons, such as they are allergic, cannot wear it at work or on the tube. But the vast majority appears not to be wearing any from what I can tell. Are they seriously worried that they may be ‘beaten up in the toilet or streets’ for wearing aftershave?

I like perfume on women, though not the overpowering or tacky kind, like Poison, and it is nice walking past them, but here in the UK, you almost wretch as some men here do pong, you can smell their breath, their skin, and stuff they have been smoking. It creates a bad impression.

Come on men, wear some decent aftershave, and use breath freshener, while you are at it. Even Fido the Old English Sheepdog, with his special deep-flea treatment, probably smells a lot better than some men. It really doesn’t have to be that way!

40 Good and Bad things about Living in England

Not in any order….

GOOD THINGS

1. NHS – Generally free treatment (although I think if rich people can afford it they could buy treatment). A bit of ‘free and private’ can be good so the system isn’t ‘clogged’. It doesn’t make sense that overseas people also get free treatment as well, after all, many haven’t chipped in.

2. Generally they are animal lovers, though I think things are changing as we live in more urban and sanitised areas. I have met people who don’t like dogs and lots of animals in England are being dumped. Then you get loads of people here leaving their dogs in cars, sometimes even their babies. I don’t think people are very educated about animal care sometimes. They don’t like people ‘telling them what to do’ as they say ‘they know all about dogs’ etc. It is nice to know that there are good rescue homes about, even ones for wildlife.

3. English Food – I love traditional English cookery, and I love learning about food history round the counties. It may not always be good for you physically, but mentally it can be good and it brings a bit of togetherness. I love going up and down the country trying local breads, cakes and buns from regional areas. I am a huge fan of the real Bakewell Tart, not the one we have in the South of England, which isn’t a ‘proper one’. I am a big fan of the London stick Chelsea Bun and Kentish Gypsy Tart. Brits like food and trying new things, but they make good ‘armchair cooks’. The English are excellent picnickers, and they always to choose ‘the right foods’ for a picnic, from a beach, to a demo of some sort and to a posh music concert. My friend from Maidstone in Kent always takes his fresh salmon, salad, cream cheese and black pepper brown bread sandwiches when he goes on a political demo, along with his favourite coffee or homemade soup with vegetables from his garden. Nowadays our picnics seem to be a weird jumble of English and Foreign foods. An outdoor picnic isn’t complete without midges and wasps. It is all part of the ‘spirit’.

4. Art – I think we have a great selection of art and if you want to be an artist, people don’t frown on you when you are an artist, although, parents will say ‘Art is not a proper job’. Once you have actually sold things, you are respected.It can be educational and fun. I also like the Outsider Art scene. You can never be bored here if you enjoy art.

5. Crafts – We have a great selection of crafts and we are always learning new things which is exciting. People from all age groups can talk and mix together. We have a lot of expertise in England you can call upon, such as those from the Royal College of Needlework.

6. I think we are good horsemen and women, if they are into that and nowadays it is not ‘classless’. Everyone can have a horse if they can afford it, some working classes have horses. We have had a lot of knowledge handed down, in some families anyway.

7. We have an amazing range of cuisines to choose from, from Indian, to Ethopian and we’re pretty close to Europe if we want a weekend away and a change of scene. European travel is quite cheap.

8. We are getting into coffee now with so many coffee shops springing up. I was never really interested in the ‘pub culture’.It is nice we are getting into all kinds of fruit and herbal teas now.

9. You can’t beat a rhubarb crumble in a ‘greasy spoon’.

10. We have a variety of weather, it is not always the same. Personally I love a good storm, and lots of rain, rather than a heatwave. Rarely it is extreme.

11. We have some great Ecology Parks and Nature Reserves, with decent hides and knowledgable staff.

12. We have good museums and exhibitions

13. We have good libraries

14. Many English people have a dry sense of humour, although I think we are starting to take life too seriously now. Things are changing.I find that the older generation seem to have more of a dry sense of humour

15. There are lots of free things to do, particularly in cities.

16. You can always get free water in a restaurant or café.

17. We have decent ‘posh places’ if you want to visit for tea like Fortnums and Claridges

18. We can be eccentric

19. We have a variety of countryside with different kinds of wildlife and flora.

20. If there is a disaster, we pull together.

BAD THINGS

1. People can be negative about petty things and they can go on, and on about. I don’t think we make good hotel guests, or flat mates!

2. People can be very passive aggressive and ‘fake’. It can be very difficult to trust people here. It takes a lot of time. You always to be on the look out for ‘people gathering information’ as they could ‘use’ this later. I am quite wary of new people in the workplace. It can be a very judgemental society.

3. At work, people form cliques a lot. This can be frustrating and ‘hard to get into’.

4. Too many people have cars and it causes traffic jams, road rage and pollution. They spend far too much money on smart cars, I prefer to put my money on property.

5. The class system.

6. People not saying hello or smiling at you when you see them in the street. Your work colleagues, neighbours could well ignore you. I find this strange, as I have more of a friendlier ‘American’ attitude. I try to change this, every so often. This should be ‘challenged’ as England can be a very lonely place. I have met lots of people by talking to them more.

7. Crime – you have to ‘nail things down’ in England. At work, even colleagues can sometimes steal from you. One colleague of mine in Kent stole my colleague’s credit card and tried to make a loan in her name! Even the last people you would expect would steal from you, given the opportunity and we are talking, in my case, a group of ‘mature business ladies from Kent’ who nicked things from the company I was at. I have had people steal my bag in a café once and a bike by my home, in a shed. There are also those ‘bookkeepers’ in a company that need to be ‘watched’ as they can take advantage of their employers if they could. I think there’s a lot of jealousy in this country and greed. I think some criminals take stupid risks, but they do end up caught, because they give away a lot of traceable clues. It is a bit foolish but some people think they can get away with it. They even forget that their mug could be on display in national and local media too.

8. They buy children lots of presents even though they rarely play with them or talk to them about ‘real things’. They often have nannies or dump young kid in ‘childcare’. I was very lucky not to have a nanny or have ‘early childcare’, but my mother looked after me instead, rather than a stranger. Quality time is very important for kids I think. I have met several English people who hardly know their parents as ‘they’re always at work’ and ‘come home too late’.

9. Family gatherings – Famillies only meeting up a few times a year for ‘show’. It can be very false and you get superficial and awkward conversations. I have had more formal conversations with family members than people at work. You always feel uncomfortable with your family and look forward to going home. One hour is far too long with them. I wouldn’t even call them ‘family’ if they are like this really. I have had to stop seeing some of my families because they are so ‘superficial. I focus on the ones that do care, though it is mostly my friends now!

10. Supporting the Monarchy even though it is very expensive, unfair and class orientated. Fortunately this is also changing, as young people find it hard to get on the property ladder and you get these people who have no problem whatsoever.

12. Poor transport at weekends and absolutely no transport at Christmas and Boxing Day. This is so frustrating.

13. Alcoholism, Drugs and Junk Food – they don’t seem to care about their own health, until the doctor gives them a ‘harsh warning’. There are too many places that sell alcohol.

14. Easily led. If someone says to do something ‘they will do it’ even if it is bad. They at not very good at thinking for themselves these days. They will do very dangerous or stupid things ‘for the banter’.

15. Obsession with bad pop music and diabolical melodies. However, when we ‘do music properly’ like opera or make original music like The Beatles we are very good. We have really good classical music around.

16. We can be marketed very well like sheep. Just look at the hipster craze. Everyone looks the same. Sometimes we can be marketed to go to ‘cool things’, even though, the more people who do it, it stops looking cool anymore. Now the Craft Beer craze is one of them. In Bermondsey, beersheep go round Breweries because they think it is cool to have a Craft Beer, but they all stand out looking the same and talking shop and superficial things. They look those people who go on Harry Potter tours. Guys, it is not cool anymore. Booze is unhealthy too, so it is not doing you any good.

17. In England they can be very dirty. Many people think nothing of chucking fag butts outside shops and chucking beer cans, coffee cups and crisps in cities in the rural countryside. They look at you, as if you are weird, if you pick it up for them. They say ‘the countryside should have bins’ or ‘it can be someone’s job’. It is very lazy, many have no conscience.

18. There’s a lot of ‘nasty stuff’ behind closed doors such as domestic violence, abuse, financial, spiritual and child abuse. It can very sad living in England for some people. There’s a lot of controlling behaviour around. Many of us have been touched by this in some way, at home and in the workplace.

19. Brits don’t tip enough. You can do the ‘extra mile’ but it is not appreciated.

20. At work, you often don’t get a thanks. It can be hard to feel motivated or appreciated. There is a lot of ‘demotivation’ in the workplace and henpecking at home too. I think England could benefit more from a more positive attitude.

UK Blogger’s blood goes to The Royal Marsden Hospital

I gave blood in Kent a few weeks ago and recently I received a text from the NHS Blood Service, in the UK, saying where my blood donation went to.

The last time I gave blood, it went to the Tunbridge Wells Hospital in Kent, this time, it went somewhere else, The Royal Marsden Hospital, which is a famous hospital dedicated to cancer diagnosis, treatment, research and education. It was exciting to see where my blood travelled.

Today is also National Clean Air Day and many cancers are caused by air pollution and environmental hazards.

To celebrate National Clean Air Day, I will cycle to a local bicycle café and treat myself to a nice meal. We can all do our bit.

If you would like to give blood in the UK, make an appointment with the National Blood Service. You can call them on
0300 123 23 23 or make an appointment online on blood.co.uk – Tell me where your blood went too!

Visit to the Pigeon Poo infested ‘Super Slums’ of The Bishops Avenue in London

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I visited so-called Billionaires Row, in East Finchley, in London. It is reknowned for properties owned by the super rich, owned by royals, Russians, Arabs and wealthy business people. Some of these mansions are in the region of £70m. The owners are ‘hogging’ prime investment land and making parts of London soulless and sterile.

When I went up there at the weekend, numerous properties still remained empty and protected by security guards, some with guard dogs. Gardens were completely neglected with wildlife and rats taking over. Smart courtyards were boarded up. Some properties that were actually occupied had a gleaming Rolls Royce and a Bentley behind their gated property, they were not even garaged.

The road didn’t really seem to have much character, and I would say it was a pretty boring road. There were so many empty mansions, some had been partly demolished, it was an eyesore. I have been to Beirut, and even in bombed out properties, people were living here, but the only people there were security guards or builders and roofers. Instead of a family car in the entrance, there was a private security car. Hardly anyone walked there. It looked a dreary sight. Along other side roads, instead of residents, were strings of security cars and more empty mansions.

One vulgar (as most of them were) mansion , soon to have an Open Day Launch, promised a swimming pool and maid service (apparently the super rich want a kind of hotel service at home). Some are offering ‘super basements’ with several floors to maximise investment. The whole place is simple grotesque. it is like the middle class have ‘gone rogue’ when they win Euro Millions or something. It look all very sad and shallow, what a pointess existence these people live.

One British builder said to me, he was sad to see that his work would just be a property that would only be used for a few days a year, but at least ‘it would pay his bills’.

Even round the corner of the scruffy Bishops Avenue, I saw a virus of empty properties owned by property tycoons not far off from Kenwood House, and further along the road towards Highgate.

Here’s a selection of photos I took at the weekend:

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2017 My New Year’s Resolutions

Here goes, folks. I like to give myself realistic and positive goals.

  1. To declutter my house. I tend to keep stuff just in case I need it. However, I realise that I don’t use a lot of my clothes and craft stuff. It is taking up a lot of space and I want more space this year. Also because I store a lot of stuff, I buy stuff again because I can’t find things. I also want to get more coat hangers too and keeps things more tidy.
  2. Borrow a Doggy from Borrowmydoggy to help an owner walk their dog and for me to have more exercise and get more experience with dogs.
  3. Go on a floristry workshop and practice some new techniques.
  4. Ban chocolate,coca cola and porky scratchings from my house and get people who see it to remove them. These are my weaknesses!Imust only have them on special occasions.
  5. Take part in Dry January and raise awareness to others. This also means you could get free meals too and some sponsors give you benefits
  6. Take part in Bullyonline campaigns, Alcohol Concern, Domestic Violence issues, Personal Safety, Road Safety and anti drugs campaign charities.
  7. Make my own granola breakfasts and actually eat it
  8. Cook more and try new things
  9. Improve massage techniques to improve wellbeing
  10. Be more minimalistic – help the planet, save money, create more space, have more me time
  11. Lead a more hygge lifestyle
  12. Support Lush as they do some excellent products
  13. Continue to make my own beauty products without toxins and raise awareness
  14. Take up Nordic Walking (I have already bought some poles)
  15. Ramble more locally along the footpaths and do a lot more walking. Join walking groups
  16. Listen more. People like to be listened to.
  17. Have no technology days or evenings.
  18. Read a novel,  and make time for this. I have been struggling to make time for reading. Hopefully, having a more minimalistic lifestyle it will be easier.
  19. Go on free tours in London’s Museums and learn more about history
  20. Make more crafts to give away for Christmas
  21. Buy things over the year for Christmas to save money
  22. Mix with people who lead a positive lifestyle
  23. Do more art and crafts
  24. Continue to look after the wild birds
  25. Have a more healthier lifestyle and inspire others
  26. Eat more fish
  27. Read more poetry
  28. Read to other people
  29. Sometimes do nothing
  30. Improve my computer’s memory by clearing up old files
  31. Watch more ‘feel good’black and white or colour movies
  32. Go to the Buddhist centre more often and read more Buddhist literature

UPDATES to follow

I love writing thank you letters

Writing thank you letters is an important part of my culture.
My aunts and parents have always written thank you letters and we always enjoyed receiving them in the mail.

This year is no exception; birthdays and Christmasses, I have always written them. It is a incrediblly hyggelig thing to do too.

I love choosing the type of stationery and cards and I like them to be really special, after all, they are a family keepsake. Throughout the year, I look out for nice stationery. I always avoid the lazy and tacky, ready-made printed cards; they look so boring.I come from a family of letter writers so we like to make a bit of effort. Lazyiness really shows up in letter writing. A letter can say so much about someone, and even their family. Not writing one comes across as thoughtlessness. selfishness and laziness (of course, if people are disabled etc, I can make exceptions).

People find it hard to afford presents these days and they are also very busy, so it makes things extra nice for them when they get a thank you letter of appreciation. Like me, they probably love the pretty stamp,the handwriting style, the choice of pen they used and the design of the letter and the choice of words.

I find it dreadful that many British people nowadays don’t bother to write thank you cards and some even send a naff, soulless text. It looks really bad on them. Your thank you letter, I think, is ‘your own PR’ which  can last generations.

We all need a little bit of thoughtfulness in our lives and it is so important to keep up such a warm tradition.

British Culture: People with Poor Lifestyles Choices are seen’National Treasures’

George Michael died at 53 on Christmas Day. Once again, another pop star has died far too young.

However, I was never really a fan of his ‘piped music’ or his lurid lifestyle but what really gets me is that he is regarded as a ‘national treasure’ for his music ignoring the fact that he chose to drug drive. He could have killed other people, including his friends and relatives in such an act. He just didn’t care.

As a straight edge person, I find the tributes annoying and bizarre. Sure he did some good things, but stepping into the driving seat whilst under the influence of drugs is one the worst things anyone can do.  There is no excuse for such a selfish act.

In Britain, we often glorify those who have lead toxic lifestyles. It even becomes one of their little ‘quirks’ after all, ‘none of us is perfect’ which Brits often say on the forums. You see this all the time, from adulterous footballers to ‘cheeky chappy’ actors, who get up to criminal activities, their talent for acting or football seems to override almost any bad behaviour, no matter how criminal. Henry VIII is a good example. He chopped off his wife’s heads yet royals are glorified. There are some exceptions like Rolf Harris, which some Brits are finding it hard to come to terms with, so I expect it depends on what kind of crime they get up to.