Estrangement: Life after going No Contact with your Family

When you first go No Contact it can be very hard. From my own experience I went weeks initially, then months and it got better. I got over ‘big family event’ days too.

I realised that the family was never there for you when you needed them and they were the last people I could trust. They assume that you will always be there, as ‘you’re family’. Even smaller things like supporting you when you do a charity ride by turning up at the end is something,but they don’t turn up or even ask when it is. I remember I created a huge community project, and they didn’t turn up on the Opening Day and they live two miles from the area. I really have the sense of ‘I can’t be bothered’ in my family. No Contact will give The Family one hell of a shake up.

They did some good things for me, but there are certain boundaries that I have of my own when they do things wrong. For me, their behaviour badly affected my mental health and wellbeing.

We are bombarded with the media saying that being in a family is a good thing which doesn’t help. Being in dysfunctional or toxic family, we have a different concept of what family is. Sometimes the best thing is to ‘get out’.

I have now created a whole new family, and a ‘proper’ one, by going to different clubs, meeting new people, catching up with people from my past, doing voluntary work, having more hobbies and focusing on creating a new life.

When I do have personal difficulties I can contact therapists, online support, the Samaritans, friends who understand and so on. Estrangalistas can even cuddle our dog or horse! We have to be creative. Is an ‘original family’ really necessary these days? We can create our own reality. The whole experience of being ‘family free’ is a new journey of discovery for me.

When you realise you only have family for birthdays and Christmas, particularly in a middle class and upper class family, you realise this is not a family at all. it is just a ‘facade’. Famillies shouldn’t take their clse family for granted, they can go at any time and leave a life completely away from them. Even so-called religious families can have members who are estranged, and sometimes even more so.

If ‘they’ do try to ‘hoover’ me back, there will have to be some changes, and it may mean family mediation, although I really can’t see that happening.

Things do get better and your mental health gets a lot better too, and even better when you change your will!


Discounts on Personal Safety Products

I am getting fed up with feeling unsafe in Britain so I have been finding ways to improve my personal safety, particularly in view of the ‘killer clowns’ and random madmen stalking women in parks etc.

I do my bit by avoiding getting drunk and going out on my own later at night, and taking a personal CCTV camera and alarm with me. I also wear trainers so I can run out of the way quickly.

Whilst doing this, I am pleased to see, that to  highlight the 30th anniversary this year of the estate agent Suzy Lamplugh going missing, the Suzy Lamplugh Trust,  is offering 25% off personal safety products till the end November  2016:

Personal Alarms:

I would also recommend that your next of kin have up-tod-ate images of you, so should you ever go missing, people can look out for you.. The Suzy Lamplugh investigation was hampered early on because the parents gave the police an old photo when she had dark hair, in fact she went blonde.


I would report ‘Killer Clowns’ if I saw them in London & Kent

Fortunately, I haven’t seen any in my patch, but I am glad that the police and Brunel University take a tough line of the males  who clearly have nothing to better to do with their lives than to frighten people.  It is bad enough for women to even go out safely  at night without all this happening as well.

This is really not a prank, this is a Public Order Act. They are wasting valuable police resources. They are deliberately setting out to alarm strangers.

Friends living in Manchester are saying their kids are finding it hard to sleep at night, and fellow school kids are bullying them by frightening them.

Motorists could kill other people if a male clown with a knife or chainsaw jumps out at them. One male media studies  university student from Brunel University  was arrested by the police and there is a risk his career will go down the pan. Too bad, he is an adult; this was some ‘stupid’ mistake! He only apologised when it got caught. As someone who never went to university (for various reason), even I know what he did was madness. It is not funny at all. These males are just cowards, having to hide behind a stupid clown outfit.  Save the outfit for the circus or a fancy dress party.  Carrying a knife or chainsaw is just asking for trouble.Being nasty is not funny. Do they really want a conviction which will ruin their job prospects, and spend hours doing forced community service?

I will do best to be vigilant, keep to streets with lights and be particularly careful in towns with colleges and universities and I will be learning some self defence skills online and make sure I can run with decent trainers on. I will be taking my camera, and collect evidence!



Clown locations in the UK:

Chatham:  Male ‘killer clown’ gets headbutted:

Another male  killer clown gets arrested:

Meanwhile, in Bracknell, Essex a clown frightens some restaurant goers

Blogger talks about being scared of clowns: