Neatfreaks are ‘miserable’

I was brought up with ‘neatfreaks’ and it affected me so badly I became anxious and even more untidy.

I kind of ‘gave up’ with all the nagging, and all the things I am supposed to think of. Whatever I would do, would never be good enough to an obsessive neatfreak. Some of the stuff they think of could not even cross an ordinary person’s mind sometimes.

I hate being near people who are ‘neatfreaks’, and you will that you are being ‘watched like a hawk’ in the house all the time. Your home feels like a prison. Sometimes the person in the house, would only talk to you about tidying and cleaning. It was soul destroying being that in narrow, conversational environment. They even hoover in a way that is ‘fast and aggressive’, with the odd passive aggressive ‘tuts’ here and there.

I have a different attitude to them. I was quite relaxed and would tidy up when I was in the mood, had time or would put a little away as soon as possible. Needless to say that my relaxed attitude, made them go ballistic! Some of these ‘neatfreaks’ were cleaning even late at night. Some people literally DO clean up all day, for hours and hours.

I used to see my relatives spending all day cleaning. I thought too much of this was a complete waste of time and they were making themselves ill with the anxiety they brought on themselves. Some of neatfreak ideas caused arguments, not just with me, but with other people in the household too. I have met people who have divorced because of their controlling behaviour, so children suffer too. They were becoming so stressed by dirt and spare socks that they were becoming neurotic.

They often spend money on buying the most toxic chemicals out,and the kitchen cupboards are full of this nasty stuff, and you smell toxic vapour round the house. I am a Apple Cider Vinegar person, so it can be vinegary but at least it is not toxic and does a pretty good job at getting rid of dirt. Ironically, I have less ‘cleaning clutter’ in the house too.

Personally I prefer a bit of balance. It is important that stuff is cleared to avoid tripping over or it becoming a fire hazard, but today’s obsession is getting ridiculous. People are spending too much valuable time cleaning and tidying, that they are having no life and they are looking miserable and their sense of humour goes. I can’t understand that fridges etc have to be clean, and that is fine, but in the house, it can get well over the top. Endless telly ads about cleaning products just adds to the malaise, and pressure from society in general.

For me, their behaviour affected my own wellbeing. It made me feel depressed to be nagged constantly or humiliated by ‘having lectures’. I know they were right in some way, and I can understand that, but as I have said, the obsession with tidying and cleaning all the time , can affect one’s own mental health.

Some kids are unable to have pets because the parents hate dogs as they make the house ‘a mess’ and the kids lose out. Some of my own family was like that. Tidy people are very controlling and untidy people ‘just want a peaceful life’.

We are only on this earth a short time, and tidying and obsessively cleaning, is a waste of our time. For me, I really have to be away from ‘neatfreaks’, they can be miserable, negative and waste too much of their lives cleaning. Some of them have done ‘nothing’ in their lives, compared to some untidy people who would rather spend their time doing something of benefit, to others, say volunteer work, than spending all day cleaning, and possibly having a short life, due to the stress of tidying and cleaning the house all the time. We maybe untidy, but we can be happier, and more relaxed. Some of us like a bit of ‘stuff’ although when it becomes obsessive, like with some hoarders it can be a problem. Some of us suffer from depression or can’t see that well, so cleaning and tidying can be extra difficult.

The most important thing is to be happy, and if that means you have remove yourself from a neatfreak, do so! Don’t let them get you down. It is up to them if they want a miserable life, but you don’t have to!

Another link to a messy person’s blog you may enjoy https://www.bustle.com/articles/66286-11-things-messy-people-will-never-understand-about-neat-freaks

Domestic Abuse: How Neatfreaks affect family https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Opr9v4e2w0w

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London Acid Attack: Wanted by Police ‘Mr Potato Head’: 6ft White Male with tattooed Tear Drops on face

The Met Police are looking for a man in connection with a vicious acid attack. A male threw acid in the faces of two people in a traffic jam in Beckton last Wednesday, and they have suffered life-changing injuries.

The man the police are looking for is 24-year-Old John Tomlin, he has a short brown scruffy beard, very short brown, thinning hair. In addition to the distinctive tear drops on his face, he has ‘sticky out ears’, and looks like the children’s toy, Mr Potato Head.

If you see this male, or are his parents, siblings, aunties, ex-girlfriend, football mate, neighbour, etc let police know by dialling 999. ‘Anyone with information is urged to contact the MetPolice or Crimestoppers if they have any information that may lead to an arrest or provide other information to assist our enquiries

DO NOT APPROACH HIM OR COVER FOR HIM. HE IS DANGEROUS

LINK TO PHOTO: http://metro.co.uk/2017/06/29/man-with-crying-tattoos-and-a-large-left-ear-wanted-over-two-acid-attacks-6742567/

    Acid attacks are now becoming commonplace, particularly in South Asia. It is far too easy and cheap to get hold of acid.

    However, in Bangladesh acid attacks are decreasing due to improved Government legislation. Better licensing on acidic products, higher pricing, a ban on concentrated acid in certain areas, and an enhanced system of monitoring f
    for acid sales and movement, such as the need to document all transactions involving acid. The Police can only do so much, it is an issue for Government.

    UK TAKE ACTION: Ask your MP to improve legislation to reduce acid attacks https://www.writetothem.com/

    UPDATE: He has handed himself in, clearly the media attention to catch him helped.

40 Good and Bad things about Living in England

Not in any order….

GOOD THINGS

1. NHS – Generally free treatment (although I think if rich people can afford it they could buy treatment). A bit of ‘free and private’ can be good so the system isn’t ‘clogged’. It doesn’t make sense that overseas people also get free treatment as well, after all, many haven’t chipped in.

2. Generally they are animal lovers, though I think things are changing as we live in more urban and sanitised areas. I have met people who don’t like dogs and lots of animals in England are being dumped. Then you get loads of people here leaving their dogs in cars, sometimes even their babies. I don’t think people are very educated about animal care sometimes. They don’t like people ‘telling them what to do’ as they say ‘they know all about dogs’ etc. It is nice to know that there are good rescue homes about, even ones for wildlife.

3. English Food – I love traditional English cookery, and I love learning about food history round the counties. It may not always be good for you physically, but mentally it can be good and it brings a bit of togetherness. I love going up and down the country trying local breads, cakes and buns from regional areas. I am a huge fan of the real Bakewell Tart, not the one we have in the South of England, which isn’t a ‘proper one’. I am a big fan of the London stick Chelsea Bun and Kentish Gypsy Tart. Brits like food and trying new things, but they make good ‘armchair cooks’. The English are excellent picnickers, and they always to choose ‘the right foods’ for a picnic, from a beach, to a demo of some sort and to a posh music concert. My friend from Maidstone in Kent always takes his fresh salmon, salad, cream cheese and black pepper brown bread sandwiches when he goes on a political demo, along with his favourite coffee or homemade soup with vegetables from his garden. Nowadays our picnics seem to be a weird jumble of English and Foreign foods. An outdoor picnic isn’t complete without midges and wasps. It is all part of the ‘spirit’.

4. Art – I think we have a great selection of art and if you want to be an artist, people don’t frown on you when you are an artist, although, parents will say ‘Art is not a proper job’. Once you have actually sold things, you are respected.It can be educational and fun. I also like the Outsider Art scene. You can never be bored here if you enjoy art.

5. Crafts – We have a great selection of crafts and we are always learning new things which is exciting. People from all age groups can talk and mix together. We have a lot of expertise in England you can call upon, such as those from the Royal College of Needlework.

6. I think we are good horsemen and women, if they are into that and nowadays it is not ‘classless’. Everyone can have a horse if they can afford it, some working classes have horses. We have had a lot of knowledge handed down, in some families anyway.

7. We have an amazing range of cuisines to choose from, from Indian, to Ethopian and we’re pretty close to Europe if we want a weekend away and a change of scene. European travel is quite cheap.

8. We are getting into coffee now with so many coffee shops springing up. I was never really interested in the ‘pub culture’.It is nice we are getting into all kinds of fruit and herbal teas now.

9. You can’t beat a rhubarb crumble in a ‘greasy spoon’.

10. We have a variety of weather, it is not always the same. Personally I love a good storm, and lots of rain, rather than a heatwave. Rarely it is extreme.

11. We have some great Ecology Parks and Nature Reserves, with decent hides and knowledgable staff.

12. We have good museums and exhibitions

13. We have good libraries

14. Many English people have a dry sense of humour, although I think we are starting to take life too seriously now. Things are changing.I find that the older generation seem to have more of a dry sense of humour

15. There are lots of free things to do, particularly in cities.

16. You can always get free water in a restaurant or café.

17. We have decent ‘posh places’ if you want to visit for tea like Fortnums and Claridges

18. We can be eccentric

19. We have a variety of countryside with different kinds of wildlife and flora.

20. If there is a disaster, we pull together.

BAD THINGS

1. People can be negative about petty things and they can go on, and on about. I don’t think we make good hotel guests, or flat mates!

2. People can be very passive aggressive and ‘fake’. It can be very difficult to trust people here. It takes a lot of time. You always to be on the look out for ‘people gathering information’ as they could ‘use’ this later. I am quite wary of new people in the workplace. It can be a very judgemental society.

3. At work, people form cliques a lot. This can be frustrating and ‘hard to get into’.

4. Too many people have cars and it causes traffic jams, road rage and pollution. They spend far too much money on smart cars, I prefer to put my money on property.

5. The class system.

6. People not saying hello or smiling at you when you see them in the street. Your work colleagues, neighbours could well ignore you. I find this strange, as I have more of a friendlier ‘American’ attitude. I try to change this, every so often. This should be ‘challenged’ as England can be a very lonely place. I have met lots of people by talking to them more.

7. Crime – you have to ‘nail things down’ in England. At work, even colleagues can sometimes steal from you. One colleague of mine in Kent stole my colleague’s credit card and tried to make a loan in her name! Even the last people you would expect would steal from you, given the opportunity and we are talking, in my case, a group of ‘mature business ladies from Kent’ who nicked things from the company I was at. I have had people steal my bag in a café once and a bike by my home, in a shed. There are also those ‘bookkeepers’ in a company that need to be ‘watched’ as they can take advantage of their employers if they could. I think there’s a lot of jealousy in this country and greed. I think some criminals take stupid risks, but they do end up caught, because they give away a lot of traceable clues. It is a bit foolish but some people think they can get away with it. They even forget that their mug could be on display in national and local media too.

8. They buy children lots of presents even though they rarely play with them or talk to them about ‘real things’. They often have nannies or dump young kid in ‘childcare’. I was very lucky not to have a nanny or have ‘early childcare’, but my mother looked after me instead, rather than a stranger. Quality time is very important for kids I think. I have met several English people who hardly know their parents as ‘they’re always at work’ and ‘come home too late’.

9. Family gatherings – Famillies only meeting up a few times a year for ‘show’. It can be very false and you get superficial and awkward conversations. I have had more formal conversations with family members than people at work. You always feel uncomfortable with your family and look forward to going home. One hour is far too long with them. I wouldn’t even call them ‘family’ if they are like this really. I have had to stop seeing some of my families because they are so ‘superficial. I focus on the ones that do care, though it is mostly my friends now!

10. Supporting the Monarchy even though it is very expensive, unfair and class orientated. Fortunately this is also changing, as young people find it hard to get on the property ladder and you get these people who have no problem whatsoever.

12. Poor transport at weekends and absolutely no transport at Christmas and Boxing Day. This is so frustrating.

13. Alcoholism, Drugs and Junk Food – they don’t seem to care about their own health, until the doctor gives them a ‘harsh warning’. There are too many places that sell alcohol.

14. Easily led. If someone says to do something ‘they will do it’ even if it is bad. They at not very good at thinking for themselves these days. They will do very dangerous or stupid things ‘for the banter’.

15. Obsession with bad pop music and diabolical melodies. However, when we ‘do music properly’ like opera or make original music like The Beatles we are very good. We have really good classical music around.

16. We can be marketed very well like sheep. Just look at the hipster craze. Everyone looks the same. Sometimes we can be marketed to go to ‘cool things’, even though, the more people who do it, it stops looking cool anymore. Now the Craft Beer craze is one of them. In Bermondsey, beersheep go round Breweries because they think it is cool to have a Craft Beer, but they all stand out looking the same and talking shop and superficial things. They look those people who go on Harry Potter tours. Guys, it is not cool anymore. Booze is unhealthy too, so it is not doing you any good.

17. In England they can be very dirty. Many people think nothing of chucking fag butts outside shops and chucking beer cans, coffee cups and crisps in cities in the rural countryside. They look at you, as if you are weird, if you pick it up for them. They say ‘the countryside should have bins’ or ‘it can be someone’s job’. It is very lazy, many have no conscience.

18. There’s a lot of ‘nasty stuff’ behind closed doors such as domestic violence, abuse, financial, spiritual and child abuse. It can very sad living in England for some people. There’s a lot of controlling behaviour around. Many of us have been touched by this in some way, at home and in the workplace.

19. Brits don’t tip enough. You can do the ‘extra mile’ but it is not appreciated.

20. At work, you often don’t get a thanks. It can be hard to feel motivated or appreciated. There is a lot of ‘demotivation’ in the workplace and henpecking at home too. I think England could benefit more from a more positive attitude.

Estrangement: Life after going No Contact with your Family

When you first go No Contact it can be very hard. From my own experience I went weeks initially, then months and it got better. I got over ‘big family event’ days too.

I realised that the family was never there for you when you needed them and they were the last people I could trust. They assume that you will always be there, as ‘you’re family’. Even smaller things like supporting you when you do a charity ride by turning up at the end is something,but they don’t turn up or even ask when it is. I remember I created a huge community project, and they didn’t turn up on the Opening Day and they live two miles from the area. I really have the sense of ‘I can’t be bothered’ in my family. No Contact will give The Family one hell of a shake up.

They did some good things for me, but there are certain boundaries that I have of my own when they do things wrong. For me, their behaviour badly affected my mental health and wellbeing.

We are bombarded with the media saying that being in a family is a good thing which doesn’t help. Being in dysfunctional or toxic family, we have a different concept of what family is. Sometimes the best thing is to ‘get out’.

I have now created a whole new family, and a ‘proper’ one, by going to different clubs, meeting new people, catching up with people from my past, doing voluntary work, having more hobbies and focusing on creating a new life.

When I do have personal difficulties I can contact therapists, online support, the Samaritans, friends who understand and so on. Estrangalistas can even cuddle our dog or horse! We have to be creative. Is an ‘original family’ really necessary these days? We can create our own reality. The whole experience of being ‘family free’ is a new journey of discovery for me.

When you realise you only have family for birthdays and Christmas, particularly in a middle class and upper class family, you realise this is not a family at all. it is just a ‘facade’. Famillies shouldn’t take their clse family for granted, they can go at any time and leave a life completely away from them. Even so-called religious families can have members who are estranged, and sometimes even more so.

If ‘they’ do try to ‘hoover’ me back, there will have to be some changes, and it may mean family mediation, although I really can’t see that happening.

Things do get better and your mental health gets a lot better too, and even better when you change your will!

Famillies are being ripped apart by members with symptoms of Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD)

Numerous people, both men and women, are having to leave members of family who have symptoms of Narcissist Personality Disorder as they are unable to cope with domestic abuse, betrayal,lack of empathy and deceitful behavior anymore.

Many have tried to work out why they are their partners and sometimes siblings are the way they are but are coming to terms that there is nothing they can do as the condition is not curable, and that have to leave.Sometimes people with NCD ‘just get worse’ over time. Some family members just do not feel they are heard or loved. They are experiencing a lot of confusing mind games. One moment the Narcissist can be normal, but other times, they have a Narcissist rage out of nowwhere. People are constantly walking on eggshells with these people.

People with children, however, are ‘forced’ to have limited contact with their abusers. Many with no children are leaving their famillies entirely and going ‘No Contact’ whatsoever and building new and better lives without their family and ‘going it alone’.

Those who have been abused have felt depressed and suicidal. Some have committed suicide. The Narcissist wants ‘power and control’ over them.

Some desperate famillies have tried therapy but often it has been a disaster as the Narcissist generally says ‘it is all their fault’ and/or leaves therapy early.Most Narcissists do not accept they have a problem and won’t even go to therapy in the first place.

This isn’t just in family situations but it is happening also in the workplace too, where some Narcissists particularly target occupations where they can ‘control’ and have status, the police, military, security, management, community and religious leaders particularly popular occupations for Narcissists from seeing comments on various Narcissist Survivor forums. Some Pastors’ wives are having to leave their husband because of their behaviour, and this is often frowned upon in the church. Some Narcissists do not want their wives to work and keep them holed up with lots of children at home. If they work, this means the Narcissist has less control over them and the Narcissist will think they will meet other men at work.

Narcissist Personality is a Disorder of the Personality and is not a Mental Illness. There is no known cure.

Some symptoms of Narcissist Personality Disorder are:

1) They have a grandiose sense of self-importance.

2) They requires excessive admiration

3)Have a very strong sense of entitlement

4)Is exploitative of others

5)Lacks empathy

6)Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Frequently they also have these too:

7) Lying and making things up to manipulate you

8) Being Emotionally abusive

9) Physically Abusive

10) Financially Abusive

11) Spiritually abusive

12) Notorious for having a ‘Honeymoon Period’ in a Relationship where things are ‘perfect’ to start with. Things change once the relationship gets more serious, they marry and start to have children. There is an element of ‘control’. Many Narcissists have a poor relationship history, with many divorces and abandoned children. They will provide ‘plausible excuses’ or perhaps withhold background information, and that goes for convictions. The Police in the UK can help people who want to find out more about their future partner if they have domestic violence convictions.

13) Betraying Trust

14) Smear Campaigns

16) Stalking

17) Manipulation

18) Reproductive Coercion

19) Birth Control Sabotage

20) Treating children and partners as extensions of themselves. (Some say they are ‘treated like property’)

21) Trusting strangers rather than their own family

22) Addictions

2) Being friendly with strangers and hostile to close relatives, and sometimes close neighbours. They appear to ‘act’ with others, who think they are very nice people and would not believe that they can even be abusive.

Words Associated with Narcissists are (though these are not used in Counselling)

1) Love Bombing (attempting to influence a person by lavish demonstrations of attention and affection) in particular to get what they want

2) Gas Lighting (Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or members of a group, hoping to make targets question their own sanity)

3) Projecting (blaming something on you, when he or she caused the problem. This is another tactic to bring confusion to the Target. They will not admit to doing anything wrong.

4)The Supply – the Target of the Narcissist. The Narcissist gets his or her ‘fuel’ from an empathic person who they will try and manipulate and control.

5) Flying Monkey – their friends or those who support the Narc

Get Help:

IAPT Counselling: http://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Psychological%20therapies%20(IAPT)/LocationSearch/10008. Ideally, try and find someone who specializes in NPD. Narcissists are notorious for not seeking any help, and if they do, they will blame it on others. It is helpful for the Target to get counseling for themselves and undertake plenty of self care and ask their doctor for help.

Relate: https://www.relate.org.uk/ (They provide counselling, and they have free online counselling but it can be busy

Police: Dial 999 in an Emergency /Dial 111 if not. (You maybe able to get a restraining order

There are also a number of Narcissist Abuse sites on Facebook (though it is safer to use a different name) as they can be stalked by members of the family and the Narcissist themselves.

Women’s Aid: http://www.womensaid.org.uk

A tip:

If you call someone a Narcissist, it is most likely that they will deny it and start further anti-social behavior targeted on you.  The best advice is to recognize what a Narcissist is to Leave, some say to ‘Run!’ though this may not always be easy to do.

Coping Ideas

1) Leave if you can!
2) Join a Mental Health/Wellbeing Support Group
3) Do something creative – art, singing, music of various sorts
4)Go and so some Voluntary Work and meet positive people
5) Walk in nature
6) Do something for animals
7) Raise awareness. Many people have never heard of Narcissist Personality Disorder
8) Ignore Narcissists – they hate to be ignored. Go ‘Grayrock’ – just speak in a general vague way that does not upset ‘the Narc’ on some way
9) Make your kids have love and praise
10) Leave and get a pet if you can. Learn to cope on your own. It is not necessary to have a partner. Learning to cope on your own is real empowerment
11) Do some Self-Care
12) Go on Self-Esteem and/or Self Defence Classes
13) Learn to be Yourself Again
14) Get a job
15) Learn new skills
16) Get new qualifications
17) Have Me-Time
18) Reward yourself when you have done something difficult

Beaulieu has experience of Narcissist Personality Disorder being in the family, and is currently estranged (No Contact)

UK: Being newly estranged from the Family

I have been estranged from my family for a few weeks. This has been my own choice.

I have had periods of 6 months previously, but this looks like it’s going to be ‘a long one’.

There are times when we have to do the best thing for ourselves and our well being. When you belong in a dysfunctional famlly, it is hard to try and keep out of the dramas,the lies and the mind games.

My own case occurred with a family member who has Narcissist Personality Order, She is extremely abusive and untrustworthy. The other family member betrayed his family with family secrets and it is a job dealing with that type of person, without suffering yourself. There are times we can only take so much.

Some people run away from their families, but others like myself,  will try to keep a distance from them as much as possible and blocking them off social media and trying to develop a new life, it could take weeks, months or years. Sometimes it will be permanent.

 

When you are a Newbie Estrangelista, it is challenge to find where to get help and information from and you can feel alone.

In the UK, 1 in 5 families in the UK will be affected by estrangement and over 5 million people have decided to cut contact with at least one family member.

These are things  that helped me deal with estrangement from my own family. I don’t  have much family so it was a big thing for me.

  1. Talking to close friends (however, they can only take so much)
  2. Contacting the Samaritans just to off load
  3. Contacting Relate.org.uk – they have a Free Live Messenger Service
  4. Going for a Walk or sightseeing
  5. Having time on my own to process things
  6. Going to a local City Farm and stroking the animals. Animals are brilliant for therapy
  7. Doing some practical work to keep my mind occupied
  8. Thinking it through and yes, I did try, and get angry.  It needs to be processed.
  9. I set a Countdown dates on Apps so I would target family events ie Easter that I would try and avoid. It was really important to miss these family events. Your absence will be noticed and there will be no photographs of you on that day for posterity.  The more events you miss, the more of an impact your absence will be.
  10. Sign up to Standalone.org.uk the First UK Charity to help adults to have been estranged or cut off

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Domestic Abuse against Men -My thoughts, & Helplines

Caroline Aherne’s ex-husband  Peter Hook claims that the Late Mrs Merton star abused him physically and mentally.

(see the article on: https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2016/oct/03/peter-hook-caroline-aherne-physically-abusive-during-marriage?CMP=share_btn_tw)

If this is the case, (after all I don’t have all the details),  I applaud Peter Hook for talking about this important issue.

Domestic violence is everywhere, men v women, women v men, and in the LGBTQIA community too, which hardly EVER gets talked about.  It is rife.

Most of the media goes on about male v female abuse, and yes, there is tons of that unfortunately.   A lot of the time, families  or friends do not know about this, after all, who wants to tell them about that, they may think it is ’embarrassing’, or may ‘get all the ‘lectures’ or worse, the disbelief that their ‘angel’ sister, sister-in-law , colleague would do this? I know from own experience of having been abused, I kept it quiet apart from a very few close friends, who kept an eye on me). It was only if it got bad that some senior bosses and the police knew the situation. A lot of people do not know about the years of abuse history. It is not something you talk to aquaintances or fairweather friends about.  Only the people that matter know about it, if you are lucky to even have that at all.However, talking about it is still the best thing really.

When bullies, either at work or at home  get ‘targets’ on their own, this gives them full rein to abuse.  They want everything their way. If someone brings up the subject that they are being abused, accept it , why would they lie about being abused? Bullies thrive on secrecy and double lives.

From my own experience of women v male abuse, one of my male friends (yes, ex military) in Sussex  was both physically and mentally abused.  I have even heard her frenzied abuse on the phone. I would love to have done something about it, but it was quite difficult as the male friend ‘didn’t want help’.  He had divorced her so was well out of the situation, well, kind of. She had a young son too, and I was worried about the child who was often caught in family conflict. The woman belonged to some Youth Panel too, so she had some respect in the community. But she led a double life as a controlling, negative abuser. I didn’t know where she lived so it was difficult for me to act. However, what I can do is highlight this problem and provide helplines and listen to someone experiencing this. Friends can help by oftering a place to stay for a short while too. There was one other  woman v male abuser I was aware of, that my colleague’s son, who was in the army, had his whole joint account drained by his wife and there was nothing he could do. So women abusers cannot only be emotional or violent, they can be financial abusers too. Colleagues talk to colleagues these issues…

You  can frequently  see clues of abusive behaviour this  in the workplace.  You get a tyrant woman boss or colleague and they make your life hell, sometimes just as much as ‘they can get away with’.

Once a bullying female colleague  I knew was seen at a train station in Kent having an abusive shouting match to her partner  in front of other passengers, humiliating the man even more. And one of these passengers was another colleague who told staff what her colleague had done. So, yes, colleagues can witness this behaviour too. I would add, which is very important, is that when the news of the fight reached staff in the office it was considered ‘funny’ (because the wife was targeting the man, but this would not be funny if it was the other way round).

We have to make change, a lot of women are not really ‘angels’ and some of them can give quite a thump.  The  middle-aged woman who had the shouting match at the train station once threatened to thump me  at work so you can just  imagine what she was like to her partner when she didn’t get her own way.It is not always as hidden as you think.  If I saw a women doing that to someone I would say something  or, ideally call the police.   It is unacceptable for any person to treat someone like shit in this way.

There is some good news to the story, the man left the woman, and eventually the tyrant was made given a warning at work for bullying me, and then she was made redundant.  All of us went our separate ways which was a blessed belief. I do wonder what where she is now and what havoc she is causing. Maybe she is in jail, after the new emotional abuse laws have  come in!

Get help:

http://www.nhs.uk/…/Pages/domestic-violence-against-men.aspx
Domestic Violence Information (for Men) http://www.dvmen.co.uk/
LGBTQ+  http://www.galop.org.uk/
Find a Peer Support Group / Set up a Group about this issue
Oh and write about it… women v men domestic abuse exists! Domestic abuse is not a laughing matter.
 PS This has been a popular blog online, so I will Retweet it every so often.