Domestic Abuse against Men -My thoughts, & Helplines

Caroline Aherne’s ex-husband  Peter Hook claims that the Late Mrs Merton star abused him physically and mentally.

(see the article on: https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2016/oct/03/peter-hook-caroline-aherne-physically-abusive-during-marriage?CMP=share_btn_tw)

If this is the case, (after all I don’t have all the details),  I applaud Peter Hook for talking about this important issue.

Domestic violence is everywhere, men v women, women v men, and in the LGBTQIA community too, which hardly EVER gets talked about.  It is rife.

Most of the media goes on about male v female abuse, and yes, there is tons of that unfortunately.   A lot of the time, families  or friends do not know about this, after all, who wants to tell them about that, they may think it is ’embarrassing’, or may ‘get all the ‘lectures’ or worse, the disbelief that their ‘angel’ sister, sister-in-law , colleague would do this? I know from own experience of having been abused, I kept it quiet apart from a very few close friends, who kept an eye on me). It was only if it got bad that some senior bosses and the police knew the situation. A lot of people do not know about the years of abuse history. It is not something you talk to aquaintances or fairweather friends about.  Only the people that matter know about it, if you are lucky to even have that at all.However, talking about it is still the best thing really.

When bullies, either at work or at home  get ‘targets’ on their own, this gives them full rein to abuse.  They want everything their way. If someone brings up the subject that they are being abused, accept it , why would they lie about being abused? Bullies thrive on secrecy and double lives.

From my own experience of women v male abuse, one of my male friends (yes, ex military) in Sussex  was both physically and mentally abused.  I have even heard her frenzied abuse on the phone. I would love to have done something about it, but it was quite difficult as the male friend ‘didn’t want help’.  He had divorced her so was well out of the situation, well, kind of. She had a young son too, and I was worried about the child who was often caught in family conflict. The woman belonged to some Youth Panel too, so she had some respect in the community. But she led a double life as a controlling, negative abuser. I didn’t know where she lived so it was difficult for me to act. However, what I can do is highlight this problem and provide helplines and listen to someone experiencing this. Friends can help by oftering a place to stay for a short while too. There was one other  woman v male abuser I was aware of, that my colleague’s son, who was in the army, had his whole joint account drained by his wife and there was nothing he could do. So women abusers cannot only be emotional or violent, they can be financial abusers too. Colleagues talk to colleagues these issues…

You  can frequently  see clues of abusive behaviour this  in the workplace.  You get a tyrant woman boss or colleague and they make your life hell, sometimes just as much as ‘they can get away with’.

Once a bullying female colleague  I knew was seen at a train station in Kent having an abusive shouting match to her partner  in front of other passengers, humiliating the man even more. And one of these passengers was another colleague who told staff what her colleague had done. So, yes, colleagues can witness this behaviour too. I would add, which is very important, is that when the news of the fight reached staff in the office it was considered ‘funny’ (because the wife was targeting the man, but this would not be funny if it was the other way round).

We have to make change, a lot of women are not really ‘angels’ and some of them can give quite a thump.  The  middle-aged woman who had the shouting match at the train station once threatened to thump me  at work so you can just  imagine what she was like to her partner when she didn’t get her own way.It is not always as hidden as you think.  If I saw a women doing that to someone I would say something  or, ideally call the police.   It is unacceptable for any person to treat someone like shit in this way.

There is some good news to the story, the man left the woman, and eventually the tyrant was made given a warning at work for bullying me, and then she was made redundant.  All of us went our separate ways which was a blessed belief. I do wonder what where she is now and what havoc she is causing. Maybe she is in jail, after the new emotional abuse laws have  come in!

Get help:

http://www.nhs.uk/…/Pages/domestic-violence-against-men.aspx
Domestic Violence Information (for Men) http://www.dvmen.co.uk/
LGBTQ+  http://www.galop.org.uk/
Find a Peer Support Group / Set up a Group about this issue
Oh and write about it… women v men domestic abuse exists! Domestic abuse is not a laughing matter.
 PS This has been a popular blog online, so I will Retweet it every so often.
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